Questions to Ask Your Parents and Grandparents While You Still Can

By Chris Gavrel, Licensed Agent · 4 min read

One day you’ll wish you had asked. These questions can help you learn your parents’ and grandparents’ stories, plus the practical things you may need to know someday.

After my father passed, I found myself holding on to every story he’d ever told me, and thinking about the ones I’d still love to hear. Some questions are practical. Others are just about a life well lived. If you still have time with the older people you love, this is one of the best ways to spend it.

How to ask

Choose a relaxed time, not during a crisis or a busy holiday rush
Explain why: “I want to make sure your stories aren’t lost.”
Ask a few questions at a time, not all at once
Record it if they’re comfortable, or take notes
Let silence happen. Good answers often come after a pause.

Questions about their early life

Where were you born, and what was your house like?
What did your parents do for a living?
What was a normal day like when you were a child?
Who was your best friend growing up?
What did you do for fun?
What was school like?

Questions about love, work, and family

How did you meet Grandma (or Grandpa)? What was your first date?
What was your first job, and what did it pay?
What job were you proudest of?
What was the hardest time your family went through, and how did you get through it?
What do you remember about the day your children were born?
What traditions did your family keep?

Questions about faith and wisdom

What has your faith meant to you over the years?
What’s the best advice anyone ever gave you?
What do you wish you had known at my age?
What are you most grateful for?
What do you hope our family never forgets?
Is there anything you’d like to be remembered for?

Practical questions, asked with care

These can feel harder to bring up, but they can spare everyone a lot of stress later. You might say, “I want to be able to do what you’d want if I ever need to.”

Topic	Question
Documents	Do you have a will? Where are your important papers kept?
Decisions	Who would you want making decisions for you if you couldn’t? Is it written down legally?
Insurance	Do you have life insurance or a final expense policy? With which company, and who is the beneficiary?
Final wishes	Burial or cremation? Any church, cemetery, or service wishes?
Contacts	Who should we call? Your attorney, pastor, insurance agent, close friends?
Accounts	Where do you bank? Are there automatic payments we should know about?

You don’t need dollar amounts or passwords right away. Knowing where things are is the most important part.

If they don’t want to talk

Some people are private, and that’s okay. Respect it. Try again another time, or ask a different family member to help. Sometimes a written list of questions left with them works better than a face-to-face talk. Our free Family Story Prompts can be a gentle way in.

Save what you learn

Write the answers down or save the recordings in more than one place. Share them with siblings and cousins. Practical answers belong in a planning binder like the Gavrel Family Planning Kit, where everyone knows to look.

Don’t wait

There will never be a perfect time. Pick one question and ask it this week. Even one conversation can make later decisions easier for everyone.

Questions for siblings and cousins, too

Your parents and grandparents aren’t the only keepers of family history. Aunts, uncles, older cousins, and longtime family friends often remember things nobody else does. Ask them:

What do you remember about my grandparents?
What was my mom or dad like as a kid?
Are there any family stories you think we should write down?
Do you have any old photos or letters we could copy?

Bring something to share

Conversations go better when they’re two-way. Bring a photo, a recipe, or a story of your own. Tell your parent what you remember about a special day. Sharing first can make it easier for them to open up, and it reminds everyone that this is about connection, not an interview.

Keep a running list

Questions tend to pop up at odd moments: driving, at church, looking at an old photo. Keep a note on your phone or a little notebook and jot them down. Next time you visit, you’ll have a few ready. Over a few months, those small conversations add up to a real family history.

And if your parents have an old policy nobody understands, or they’re wondering whether they have enough set aside for final expenses, I’m happy to talk with your family.

This article is for general educational purposes only and is not legal, tax, or financial advice. Coverage, pricing, and availability vary by age, health, state, and carrier.